Pronouns
Pronouns are the words we use to refer to someone when we aren't using their name. Using a person's pronouns correctly is one of the simplest, most everyday ways to show respect — and it costs nothing to get right.
She / Her / Hers
Used by many women and femme-identifying people. Like all pronouns, these are not tied to anyone's appearance, body, or the sex they were assigned at birth.
"She brought her notes with her. The blue folder is hers."
He / Him / His
Used by many men and masculine-identifying people. A person's pronouns are theirs to name — never something to guess from how they look or sound.
"He brought his notes with him. The blue folder is his."
They / Them / Theirs
Used by many non-binary, genderfluid, agender, and gender-questioning people — and also by anyone who simply prefers it. Singular "they" has been used in English for centuries and is recognized by major style guides and dictionaries.
"They brought their notes with them. The blue folder is theirs."
Ze / Hir / Hirs
One of the most widely used neopronoun sets. "Ze" is pronounced zee and "hir" is pronounced here. Some people use the variation ze/zir/zirs.
"Ze brought hir notes with hir. The blue folder is hirs."
Neopronouns
Newer pronoun sets created outside the traditional options — such as xe/xem, ey/em, fae/faer, and per/pers. If someone shares a set you haven't heard before, the kind response is to learn it, not to question it.
"Xe brought xyr notes with xem. The blue folder is xyrs."
Multiple Sets
Some people list more than one set, like she/they or he/them. Unless they've told you otherwise, either set is welcome — and using both over time is a warm way to honor that.
"She brought their notes with her."
Name Only
Some people prefer to be referred to by their name rather than any pronoun. It takes a little practice to rephrase sentences, but it's entirely doable.
"Sam brought Sam's notes along. The blue folder is Sam's."
"Ask Me" or "Any Pronouns"
"Any pronouns" means the person is comfortable with whatever you use. "Ask me" is an invitation to check in directly — often because the answer depends on the setting or the people in the room.
"What pronouns would you like me to use here?"
Putting It Into Practice
Getting pronouns right is a habit, not a talent. These small practices make a real difference — especially for people who spend a lot of their day being misgendered.
Share Your Own First
When you offer your pronouns unprompted, you make space for others without putting anyone on the spot. Try it:
- In introductions: "Hi, I'm Jordan, I use he/him."
- In your email signature or name tag
- In your video call display name
- On your social media profile
Ask With Care
Ask everyone, not only the people you're unsure about — singling someone out sends a message you probably don't intend.
- "What pronouns do you use?"
- "How would you like me to refer to you?"
- If it's a group setting, make sharing optional — not everyone is out everywhere.
Default to Neutral
Until you know someone's pronouns, "they" works perfectly well. Neutral language also makes group settings more welcoming:
- "Everyone" or "folks" instead of "ladies and gentlemen"
- "Y'all" or "you all" instead of "you guys"
- "Partner" or "spouse" instead of assuming
Practice Out Loud
New pronouns can feel unfamiliar in your mouth before they feel natural. That's normal, and it's fixable.
- Say a few sentences about the person to yourself
- Practice with someone else who knows
- Use them consistently, including when the person isn't there
When You Get It Wrong
You will slip up at some point. Everyone does. What matters is what happens in the ten seconds afterward.
Correct, apologize briefly, move on.
A long apology shifts the focus onto your feelings and asks the person you misgendered to comfort you. A quick correction keeps the attention where it belongs — on them.
Try this
"She — sorry, they — finished the report last week." Then keep going with what you were saying.
Skip this
"I'm so sorry, I feel terrible, this is so hard for me, I've known you for years and I just keep messing it up…"
If someone corrects you on another person's pronouns, take the correction gracefully and adjust. And if you notice someone being repeatedly misgendered, a gentle correction from a bystander takes real weight off their shoulders.
Using someone's pronouns isn't a favor or a special accommodation — it's the same basic courtesy we extend when we learn how to say a person's name. Bloomington Pride MN is grateful you're here, learning alongside us.